So, you’ve had a baby, you’re part way through the challenging fourth trimester and the last thing that’s on your mind is any kind of intimacy with your partner. If you feel like your lack of desire at this point is anything to beat yourself up about, please don’t. There are two questions to consider here – one is ‘When can I have sex after childbirth? the other more important question is ‘When will I feel like having sex after childbirth?’
When Can I Have Sex After Childbirth?
From a medical point of view, most professionals agree that it’s safe to have (protected) penetrative sex four to six weeks after birth, particularly if the birth has been a relatively smooth process. However, this timeframe can vary depending on individual circumstances such as healing from tears, stitches, or a caesarean section. Always consult with your healthcare provider to ensure you’re ready physically. But of course, it’s not just about the physical. For sex to even feature on the post baby agenda, you need to be mentally as well as emotionally ready too. And unfortunately, the odds are very often stacked against us.
Common Challenges to Sex After Childbirth
There are just so many reasons not to feel like a sex Goddess after childbirth for weeks, or even months. And these are just a few of the most common:
- Pain: You may be recovering from tears, stitches, or other postpartum issues. The idea of getting anywhere near that part of your body will probably fill you with horror.
- Severe Exhaustion: Lack of sleep from caring for a newborn can often kill any desire for intimacy.
- Breastfeeding: While breastfeeding, your body releases oxytocin, which helps bond with your baby but suppresses your libido.
- Vaginal Dryness: Low oestrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness, night sweats, and hot flushes, contributing to discomfort.
- Body Image: Changes to your body can affect your self-perception and sexual confidence.
- Baby Blues: Many new parents experience mood swings and emotional lows that impact their sex drive.
- Partner’s Readiness: Your partner might also be dealing with their own set of challenges and may not feel ready for intimacy.
How to Reignite Your Sex Drive After Childbirth
But at some stage, the time will come along, whether it be three months or a year later, that you are start to emerge from the birth fog, the baby is starting to sleep for longer and longer stretches, and you may, just may start to feel a glimmer of desire. Hallelujah! Because let’s face it, we all feel better after sex. If you want to move things a long a little here are some tips for reigniting your sex drive:
- Communicate with Your Partner: Open communication is key to understanding each other’s needs and boundaries.
- Focus on Self-Care: Taking time for yourself can improve your overall wellbeing and readiness for intimacy.
- Gradual Intimacy: Start with non-sexual touch and affection to rebuild the connection with your partner.
- Seek Professional Advice: If you’re struggling with your sex drive, consider talking to a healthcare provider or therapist.
Safe Positions for Sex
Certain positions can be more comfortable and less strenuous after childbirth. Spooning is one such position that allows for gentle penetration and minimal strain on your body. Another comfortable position is side lying, which is similar to spooning and provides control over depth and pace. The missionary position can also be made more comfortable by placing a pillow under your hips to alleviate pressure. Lastly, having the woman on top allows you to control the depth and pace, making it easier to find a comfortable rhythm. These positions can help you ease back into intimacy in a way that is gentle and accommodating to your postpartum body.
Strengthening Your Pelvic Floor
Strengthening your pelvic floor can significantly enhance your comfort and confidence during sex after having a baby. A strong pelvic floor supports better bladder control, reduces the risk of pelvic organ prolapse, and enhances sexual satisfaction. Practicing pelvic floor exercises can help new mothers regain pelvic strength and improve their overall wellbeing, making the transition back to sexual activity smoother and more enjoyable.
How, where and when to have sex with a baby in tow
And then the next obstacle pops up – how to satisfy that desire when you have a baby in tow. The big question is If you co-sleep with our baby, is it OK to do it in the same room?
Again, no set answers here and most parents will use their own judgement. However, the general consensus seems to be that if the baby is under six months old, and in a deep slumber (every parent knows how to spot this type of deep sleep when wild horses won’t wake them) it’s fine to go ahead if and when the urge takes you. But make sure to move baby into a safe position, away from the main action. A crib or cot next to the bed should help with this. Or better still, rather than risk waking the baby, you and your partner could lay out some pillows and move yourselves. And there’s a lot to be said for the raw and primal nature of floor sex.
As children get older and start to understand and interact with the world around them, sex in their presence becomes less appropriate. Young children won’t understand the concept of sex, so hearing unfamiliar noises and seeing sexual you in the throes of passion may frighten them and they may even think you are hurting each other. Whatever the case, even if you are in a separate room, door closed and making the least amount of noise possible, as a parent you will need to learn to accept interruption and sometimes at the height of pleasure. So make sure you have a joint strategy for dealing with this in advance, to minimise potentially damaging impact.
Afternoon delight
The upside of sex with a baby in the house is that you have a great excuse to be creative with timing. If baby takes a regular afternoon nap, this is a great opportunity for you and your partner to indulge in a bit of afternoon delight. You’ll probably be less exhausted at this time of day, and much more up for it. But however and whenever the mood takes you, do remember to use contraception, even if breastfeeding, as you can still get pregnant again – even three weeks after giving birth!
Will sex after childbirth ever be the same again?
And finally, the good news. Yes, there is something to be said for having a baby when it comes to your sex life.
According to a poll conducted in the States by a social networking app for parents, Peanut, out of 1,000 women questioned about their sex lives before and after childbirth, 61% reported higher levels of sexual desire than ever – i.e that they wanted to have more sex post pregnancy than before. And that’s news I think we’ll all welcome. .