Unless you happen to be loaded, your little ones will need jobs when they’re older. Perhaps it’s a bit early to be thinking about what their careers may look like, however in an uncertain world, it can’t do any harm, right?
With that in mind, I’ve recently been considering jobs that my 9-month old son might be good at based on the skills, interests and aptitudes he’s currently displaying. If I can identify things he excels at, then perhaps I can help him get a head start when he’s preparing to enter the world of employment.
As such, here are four jobs that I think babies would be good:
1.Wrestler / Boxer / Martial Artist
Babies can leave you battered and bruised – and I’m not just talking about the birth! If you’re not careful, you’re likely to find yourself on the end of an unexpected headbutt, a devious knee to the groin or an underhand eye gouge. With this penchant for violence and brutality, a professional career in a combat sport makes total sense.
With so many options to choose from, the correct combat sport really comes down to their technique. As a general rule, babies who enjoy grabbing may favour wrestling, those who like kicking might be suited to Taekwondo, whilst use of the fists are for wannabe boxers.
Most babies utilise underhand tactics though. Biting, scratching, eye gouging, hair pulling and fingers poked into unwelcoming orifices suggests that you might be raising a no-holds barred street fighter champion. Either way, the future looks bloody, dangerous and violent.
2. Actor / Actress / Performer
Babies love being the centre of attention. They soon realise that the world revolves around them, that being in the spotlight is their natural place and that there’s nothing like the adulation that comes with a performance – whether that’s a smile, a crawl or a crappy nappy.
Not only that, but babies are tremendous actors who fool us adults time and time again. I doubt that jangling keys or blowing raspberries is really that funny, but babies provide exaggerated laughs worthy of an Oscar. Similarly, dropping a dummy or being put in the bath shouldn’t result in overblown crying and sobbing, but it regularly results in a showstopping performance.
If someone as unconvincing as Ben Affleck can make a living from this, then babies will have no trouble in the entertainment industry.
3. Builder / Architect / Demolition Expert
Despite having limited movement and coordination, babies soon become skilled at picking up and putting down items. Shortly after this, they become aware of shapes, space, sorting and stacking – all important concepts required to enter the construction industry.
Some of the first ‘games’ a baby really takes an interest in are related to building, be it stacking cups on top of each other or putting the correct shape in the right hole. There’s then also the enjoyment they get from knocking down towers of blocks in frenzied attacks akin to Godzilla destroying Tokyo.
Considering that babies also struggle with time and often have their half their backsides on show, construction sounds like a great option.
4. Thief / Pick Pocket / Burglar
Despite not being the most aspirational of careers, a life of crime is well suited to a baby’s skill set. As they begin to sit up, crawl and take notice of the world around them, there’s an increasing desire to grab everything they can. They have no notion of social norms or what it means to buy something with hard-earned money – babies purely see something they want and they take it.
If you turn your back for 10 seconds, they’ll be in your bag rummaging for high value items like mobile phones, car keys or a wallet. I’m not sure how, but they can instantly tell which goods have the highest resale value. Babies are brazen too – like some opportunistic street thug, earrings, necklaces, rings and watches will be grabbed from your person when your guard is at its lowest.
If they can avoid getting caught and ending up behind bars, a life of crime may just pay after all. It worked pretty well for Danny Ocean!
So, those are four jobs I think would be pretty well suited for a baby. What do you reckon? What others spring to mind?
You can read more of Dave’s posts on his dad blog The DADventurer www.thedadventurer.com